I swear, I'm not complaining...

Can we just be real for a minute or two?  As in, "REAL" real?

Pregnancy is awful.

Don't get me wrong- it's beautiful and magical and amazing and all of those other adjectives I'd usually reserve to describe some sort of fairy land.  It truly is surreal that the human body can do so much on its own, and the mere act of growing another human being is mind-blowing.  As someone who never thought she'd be experiencing this, I'm honored and blessed to have this opportunity.  I get that.  I can remember hearing others complain about it and thinking to myself "Well, at least YOU get to have this life moment...".  So please believe me when I say that I am not complaining.  Well, I am- but I'm not.  Also- I am acutely aware that I am not the first OR the last woman to be pregnant.  I'm not special. This pregnancy isn't something for the record books.  I'm not looking for sympathy or praise.  I'm just wanting to be brutally honest about this amazing, magical and oddly beautiful thing that I'm blessed to be 8 months into, in hopes that others can relate.  Or at the very least, can prepare should they be blessed with their own pregnancy in the future....

This face is worth it all! 

First off:  Let me apologize to my body for ALL of the things I've taken for granted over the years.   All the bending, stretching, twisting and moving that I could do without a second thought.  I'll never take the simple act of movement for granted again.  Ever.  This ever-growing stomach is proving movement of all sorts nearly impossible, and the simple act of walking like a normal human is even lost on me these days.  Once I can move like a normal human again, I may never sit still.

I also miss wearing makeup, doing my hair and feeling like "me."  I didn't get that pregnancy glow. Instead, I got a face that is now marked with random brown spots (yay, "pregnancy mask!") and skin that refuses to let makeup stay in place.  Putting on a face of makeup means that within a matter of an hour, all of the makeup (even my beloved Younique brand) will somehow be wiped away as though it never exisited.  If I'm lucky, I may get the random streak of mascara left behind underneath an eye.  I used to see it as proof that I at least tried... now I've just quit trying.  And as for my hair?  Even with all of these prenatal vitamins pumping through my veins, I didn't get the thick, lucious locks.  My hair decided to somehow become stringier, thinner and even MORE difficult to hold curl.  And with the summer heat, blowdrying it (even for the 3 minutes that it takes) has become out of the question.  Hello, hair ties and clips!   Rings and bracelets begin to feel like small boa constrictors on my fingers and wrists after a few minutes due to constant swelling.  The smell of nail polish remover makes me gag, which means I've stopped doing my nails...  what I'm taking lots of space to say is I have become an unmanicured, unkept, hot (literally) mess of a swollen human who somewhat resembles a person I used to be.

I could go into great lengths to share all of the areas of my body that no longer resemble anything that they "used to be" but I'll spare your time and the mental images.  I would be remiss if I didn't at least bring up The Girls, though.  These growing mounds of flesh attached to my chest now closely resemble the images I grew up seeing in National Geographic magazine.  They sure aren't the Ladies I used to know and love.  They are a bit... sadder... these days.  A bit... darker... these days.  They're prepping for their entire purpose in life, and while it's once again magical and beautiful, blah blah- I miss them and their perky old selves.

Weight gain is my nemesis, and sugary foods are my very best friend, which means I am in a constant battle.  I've put on a "little" more weight than my doc would have liked at this point, but I don't need the scale at each doc appt to be my constant reminder.  I see it in the mirror each day when I look at my rounding face, my jiggly upper arms and my thickening thighs.  I've attempted light exercise, but it is extremely easy for me to "over do" it these days (thanks again, body!) so I've just come to terms with the fact that this weight isn't going anywhere any time soon.

I miss my copious amounts of daily coffee.  Decaff just doesn't do the trick.
I miss soda.  I wasn't even a big soda drinker pre-pregnancy, but these days all I want is a HUGE Coke/Dr Pepper (gag!)/Diet Coke...
I miss lunch meat.  Who knew I loved deli meat so much?  Now that it is "not allowed" it is all I want to eat.  I've already made my request for Arby's to be my first meal after Baby C arrives. I have a serious date planned with a roast beef sandwich, and I'm almost as excited about that as I am meeting this bambino.
I miss going places and not getting 20 questions about my health, my due date, the gender (we REALLY don't know, people), potential names, etc.  I know this makes me sound like a bitch- people ask because they care, and I really do appreciate it so much- but I'm swollen, fat, cranky and quite frankly just "over" it.
I miss being able to lay down comfortably.
I miss being able to lay on my stomach.  Oh, my goodness how I miss this.
I miss the old heartburn issues I used to have.  I used to think it was bad at times.  Old me had NO idea the kind of hell that was waiting for me.  I've been perpetually living with unbearable heartburn for the past 8 months.  It's been a vomit-inducing, can't lay down, can't go anywhere without Tums and will NEVER be able to get that chalky taste out of my mouth again kind of hell.  People say heartburn means a hairy baby.  If so, I'm likely going to be birthing a damn gorilla.
I miss my old clothes.
I miss the way I used to feel about SUMMER.  It used to be my favorite season.  Now, it's just miserable and sweaty.  And hot.  And humid.  Did I mention miserable?
I miss running.
I miss alcohol.  Enough said.

With all of this complaining (but I'm not complaining), I must throw in some of the luck I've encountered thus far, as well.  For one, it's been a normal pregnancy.  A mild case of marginal placenta previa cleared itself, my blood pressure has remained stable, I tested negative for Gestational Diabetes, Baby C is looking good and even measuring a little ahead (yay, earlier delivery date!) and with all of the health issues I've had in my past, a normal pregnancy is the BIGGEST blessing I could ask for.  It trumps all of the reasons I could ever find to complain (but not complain).   I've also been lucky enough to ward off stretch marks thus far, my belly-button JUST NOW became an outie,  I've avoided most of the lovely gastrointestinal issues that often accompany pregancy and only have a few new spider veins here and there, rather than the large varicose veins that often come with along with growing a human.

I know at the end of all of this, all of the things I miss will come back.  I know my body, although maybe never the same again, won't forever be this swollen and round.  I know my life will forever be rocked by this amazing little human, and all of this change and discomfort will be completely worth every single second.   I know I'm blessed.  But I also know I'm hormonal, hot, and human... and mustering up all of the polite responses to getting asked constantly "How I'm doing" can wear a person thin.  Sometimes just a little venting and honesty goes a long way.

Ok.  I'm done complaining (but I'm not complaining).




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